Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for

I guess my answer for this is Brett...I have to forgive my son's father.  I have let what he did to me impair my life more times than I would like to say.  I was with him for 5 years total, but about 4 of those years were spent cheating and lying.  The first year of our relationship was great...the best I had ever had up to that point then I found out he was cheating on me when I was pregnant with Nikolas.  Of course I forgave him and let him come back.  Things were good for about another year, then the cheating started again.  It was so bad at times that he would say...I'll be right back, I'm gonna take out the garbage...and not come back for days!  We went through this for about 3 years until I finally had enough and let him go.  I have to forgive him for the things he did to me or I don't think I will ever have a successful relationship because I always think the other man is going to cheat on me like he did.  I guess I have come to realize that Brett is just that way...that is the way he thinks life should be since I have seen how he has done this to EVERY woman he has been with since me.  I have to realize that it wasn't me that was doing anything wrong...it was him!!  That is a hard thing for me because I try everything I can in a relationship and this made me feel like I failed, but I have to wrap my head around the fact that it was him that failed, not me!!!

How 3/30 went!!

So...yesterday went pretty well!  Its easier to do when you know the weight is coming off...although it is probably more with my swelling going down, I will take it any way I can get it!!!!
Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast:  2 eggs with ham and salsa, a banana
Lunch:  soup with crackers and a salad with bb, cheese, and ff French dressing
Snack:  strawberries, mixed vegetables, and salami wrapped with cream cheese and a pickle
Dinner:  steak, mashed potatoes, and a roll...from Texas Roadhouse

I used 2 of my weekly points, which is fine, that is what they are there for!!!  I also used my activity points, but again, that is what they are there for!! 

I just weighed myself before I started this blog and I am now down 6 lbs!!!  Since Sunday!!!  Too excited by that!!!

Day 3: Something I have to forgive myself for

I guess one regret I have in my life is having my kids with men that have turned out to be total jerks and not giving them the best dad they could have!  I was raised by my mom and dad...they have been married for almost 39 years, so I wanted that for my kids, but it just didn't happen that way for me or my kids.  I really tried to make it work with my son's dad.  I put up with so much stuff from him because I wanted my son to be raised by both of us, but it got to the point that I knew that no matter what I did that was never going to happen.  I feel like I let my son down...like he deserved more than that!  My daughter's father is just a total different story.  I knew from the beginning that things would never be that way with him...in that way I feel even worse for my daughter.  She never had the chance to have a great father!!  He left me when I was pregnant and never really looked back...I mean he tried at times to be in her life, but mainly to "show her off" to his then girlfriends.  If it wasn't for some women in his life he probably would have never seen his daughter after she was a year old!  I hope that I have done what is best for my kids, by not leaving them in a home where there was no happiness even though the lost being raised in a home with both parents!!
I'm hoping that the relationship I am in now proves to be that for my kids...a home where there is happiness and a mother and father trying to raise 4 kids together!!!!  We'll see what the future holds!!!

how 3/29 went!!

Another good day!!  A little stressful for my taste and a little boring at the same time, but I made it through.  I thought I would end up having a few beers, but decided against it!!  Very proud of that!!!  Here's what I ate:

Breakfast:  2 egg whites, banana, string cheese
Lunch:  WW Meal, salad with bb, cheese, and ff French dressing
Snack:  Angel food cake with Strawberries and lite whip cream
Dinner:  Pork Chop, baked potato with butter and sour cream (both lite), corn
Snack:  WW Ice Cream cup, Salami, string cheese, and pickle plate

Did much better with my points today...only had 1 point left after using 1 of my active points, since I did walk 30 minutes yesterday!
I really hope that I can keep up the past 2 days for the next 5 weeks and lose the weight I really want to, so it can look really good when I take my compression garmet off!!!!
Here's to another good day!!!

Time to leave the comfort zone!!

So...I finally submitted my application for my FL teaching certificate.  I have been planning on doing this for the past 4 months or so and just have never did it...I guess it has to do with leaving my comfort zone, but its time.  I love my job at the Y, but its because its easy...there is no one looking over my shoulder all the time, but I HATE the money I make there!!!  I have a bachelor's degree and only made $13,000 last year...its just not enough.  Its enough for the situation that I am in right now, but if anything were to change I would never be able to support me and my 2 kids with that!!!  Or even if me and Jeff buy a house we wouldn't make it with me just making that.  Its just time to step it up and do something with my life!  I'm going through this whole transformation of my body...guess it should just be my whole life!!!  I want to learn to just take chances and not always do what is comfortable...I guess this is the chance that I am doing!!  I've always wanted to be a teacher, so here goes everything at the age of 38!!!  I might even have to go back to school, but if so it is only like 5 classes, which shouldn't be too big of a deal!!!  Over the next few weeks I have alot of decisions to make and hope to get everything done by next school year!!

Day 2: Something I love about myself

Something I love about myself...I think that I am a trustworthy and good person.  I believe that I am there for my family and friends whenever they may need me and the things that they share with me I keep in confidence.  I love my family and friends and believe that I would do anything I could for any of them!!!

Yesterday's food

I know its almost 11 am the next day, but this is the first chance I have had to actually get on the computer!!  I did really well yesterday...ended up with a few points which I read in my WW books you are NOT suppose to do, but I just couldn't eat anything else last night.  I just have to do better at planning things today so I don't have 11 points left after dinner!  So, yesterday I had:

Breakast:  Mixed Fruit and a newton fruit crisp
Lunch:  Progressive Soup with Crackers and salad with bacon bits and cheese with fat free french dressing
Snack:  WW Cheese Stick
Dinner:  Ham Steak, baked beans, and green beans.  I tried a new meal tonight...I cooked all the other ham steaks and just mixed them in with the baked beans...Jeff's idea!  But I didn't want to not know how much ham I was eating, so I did my outside the beans.
Snack:  Since I had so many points left, I had chips and salsa then later had angel food cake with strawberries and lite whipped cream!!  That was so very yummy!!!!

I didn't exercise yesterday because I didn't go to the dr's till 4 and at that time she said that I could exercise...just no running or even power walking right now!!  I should be able to step it up within in the next few weeks...I can't even drive yet!!!

I did get a 30 minute walk in today...about a mile and a half!  I didn't want to push it to much.  When I got home my incision was throbbing, so I had to take a pain pill...maybe only 20 minutes for tomorrow!!

Pictures!!

The third picture is a week after surgery!!  I still have the drains on each side, so that why it looks a little strange.  The next picture is just a side view!  The first 2 pictures were taken before my surgery...obviously one on St Patty's day and the other the weekend before the surgery...Jeff took me out and this was the first time I wore a dress in YEARS!!!  The last picture is my birthday of this year...before surgery!
After looking at the pictures I am happy with the 2 after surgery except for my legs...they look awful!!  I am going to get ruid of them by the beginning of the summer!!!  Walk, walk, walk!!!

The start of the rest of my life??!!

Ok...I'm not going to start going to weight watcher meetings this week because I'm still not able to drive, but I am going to start counting my points and changing my day to day life.  No more pigging out like I tend to do...no more ice cream every night with magic shell and redi whip...ice cream is enough!! LOL!!  I'm not sure if I can do the walking yet...will find out at my appointment later this afternoon.  Hopefully I can at least do 20 minutes a day.  I know I can't do any weights for 6 weeks, so I have to start with walking, which is always said to be the best form of exercise!  I want to lose some inches in my thighs and knees (of all places!!).  And tone by butt up!!  At the end of everyday I am going to write everything I ate for the day, so that maybe some of you can give me some pointers of what I could be doing right and wrong!  I am keeping a food journal. I want to be sure to stay within my points every day.  My goal is to lose at least 20 lbs in 5 weeks!  That is when I can take my compression garmet off...May 2nd!!!!!  When that comes off I want to be able to have my new cute stomach to match my legs!!  I'll be taking pictures in the next few hours and post them and will try to do weekly pictures of my progress!  Also, if I make any new dishes, I will be sure to put them on here too!!! 

Day 1: Somthing I hate about myself

The thing I hate about myself is my follow through on things!  I always have a lot of great plans, but I rather follow through all the way on them!!!  That is something I really want to change within myself.  I finally got the tummy tuck that I have wanted to get for the last 5 years at least!  I know have to take that and move on with what I need to do with my life...I want to lose the rest of the weight I need to and be positive!  I need to raise my self esteem with in myself and prove to myself that I am the person I am!!

So...this thing that I hate about myself I hope in 30 days will be one of the things that I love about myself!!!

30 Days of Me

Day 1:  Something you hate about yourself
Day 2:  Something you love about yourself
Day 3:  Something you have to forgive yourself for
Day 4:  Something you have to forgive someone for
Day 5:  Something you hope to do in your life
Day 6:  Something you hope you never have to do
Day 7:  Someone who has made your life worth living for
Day 8:  Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy
 Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. 
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. 
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on. 
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on. 
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.) 
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter) 
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. 
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without. 
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. 
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage. 
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? 
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol. 
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? 
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. 
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life. 
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) 
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today. 
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? 
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now? 
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. 
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

The beginning!!

Well...I have started this blog to help me through the next few months!  I had a tummy tuck 5 days ago and am so happy about it!!  It is something i have wanted for about 5 years now and I finally had the opportunity to get it done...thanks to Jeff!  Jeff is my boyfriend of almost 2 years.  I moved to FL to be with him and has been the best decision of my life...not only for the relationship that I got, but because I believe i have a better life for my kids now...we live in a better area, they go to a great school, and they have a better life, I believe!
So...I going back on Weight Watchers and plan to walk daily to get the rest of my body as hot as i hope my stomach will be after all the swelling goes down...lol!!!  I want to wear a bikini by the middle of the summer!!!